Before we left the United States, my friend Holly told me that her prayer for me was "that I would walk the streets of Australia with such joy in my heart." We've been here 2 weeks today and 2 weeks ago I was wondering if that prayer would ever be reality. I was torn up inside about leaving home. Broken-hearted to the point of uncontrollable sobbing. Fetal position crying. In the middle of the night weeping. I'm not embarrassed about it. If you are someone near to me, this is how much I love you. The depth of sorrow and the missing of dear ones ached in my bones.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Joy
Before we left the United States, my friend Holly told me that her prayer for me was "that I would walk the streets of Australia with such joy in my heart." We've been here 2 weeks today and 2 weeks ago I was wondering if that prayer would ever be reality. I was torn up inside about leaving home. Broken-hearted to the point of uncontrollable sobbing. Fetal position crying. In the middle of the night weeping. I'm not embarrassed about it. If you are someone near to me, this is how much I love you. The depth of sorrow and the missing of dear ones ached in my bones.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Hospitality
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Here and There: Day 3
It has been a long time in coming, this trip to Australia following our hearts desire and His obvious calling and will for us to be here. Our family and friends sent us off in a great big way with the most wonderful party. It was complete with delicious food, drinks, adorable suitcase decorations and a spectacular suitcase cake. It was so beautiful. All the love. Each person who came, came with extraordinary words of encouragement and support and hope. We were both speechless and honored at the spectacle of it all and the generosity. Goodness, the generosity of everyone. Thinking back on it has helped me in dark moments and given me hope.
The journey here was so long and I was so tired when we arrived. Each mile closer to Sydney and further from home seemed to tighten my heart strings and with each step a sad note played. A mournful tune. We finally got here to our home and they left us in our room, closed the door, and I thought my heart was going to fall out of my chest. The night and the morning are hardest right now. You feel like you might fall into a million pieces. Not knowing anything, where anything is, or how it works, or what to do. Its a scary feeling. I’m not going to lie. Quite possibly the hardest thing we’ve ever done. I know that we’re clinging to God and to each other. And though I feel the pain and sorrow of moving away from all we know and love in my bones, I keep reminding myself of the steps God took us through to get us here and that He will provide and be faithful.
I keep thinking of a chapter that Shauna Niequist wrote about when she and her husband moved from Chicago to Grand Rapids. She told her husband she felt like she was a new puppy all safe and warm and happy in the box with her other puppy brothers and sisters and someone had taken her out of the box and all she wanted to do was get back in. Yes to that.
I was encouraged by my last post. It helped me to read those words I said and believe.
For us, this is where the rubber meets the road of faith. Daily, what will I choose?
For now I’m giving myself some grace to adjust and clinging to what I know to be true. I am so grateful for all the prayer and support from home and to all who have helped us along the way. Words can’t even express.
Today we got our luggage and we were so happy to get our things. It makes it feel more homey. I did some grocery shopping and everything is different and more expensive. I am missing the United States in so many ways. It is making me so grateful for our country.
It is beautiful here. The weather. The trees. The people. And still so surreal to actually be at the bottom of the world.
Brooks had the chance to drive today some and he did very well. Easier than he thought. It was a fun and happy moment along with the homemade dinner.
Things are looking up and though my heart has been overwhelmed I will not waste a moment. I want whatever God has for me to learn. I'm thinking it must be a lot so I'd better get started.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Intertwined
Here we are nearly one week away from departure to the Land of Oz, homeless and unemployed. At the beginning of the day now Brooks and I look at each other with a gaze of understanding, clap our hands together, fingers intertwined, we smile and head out to do the days bidding. Its a mix of emotions being homeless and unemployed. Its freedom and fear.
Trying for fear not to get the best of me I lift my voice to the heavens, open my spirit to the Truth and let God remind me what faith is. There is no escaping His presence or His kindness. He is all around me. In and through me. My very present help in time of need. Why would I doubt? I have seen the wonders, the way He orchestrates the music of life.
As we sat in the car a few days ago making preparations this song from Sara Groves, one of my favorite singer songwriters, came on.
“From This One Place”
...
I don’t know what’s making me so afraid
tiny cloud over my head
heavy and grey with a hint of dread
I don’t like to feel this way
take me back to a window seat
with clouds beneath my feet
from this one place I can’t see very far
in this one moment I’m square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else
So that’s it then. These are the things I will trust in my heart. I am in the dark but the Good Shepherd can see. I’ll put my hand in His. Intertwine my fingers with His and follow. Trusting blindly, faithfully.